[Give a Damn] Colour

I am not the colour of the paper I write to you on,
I might be less than violet and so much more than saffron.
I am not just pink but the cerise that flows loudly right through me,
So much more opaque than you could expect me to be.


You thought you knew me,
You thought you could colour-assume me.
But this is not a whine of independence or my anger at you,
This is my exposure of your inadequate recognition of hue.


You thought you knew what I loved and what I might like,
You assumed I was powerless, an ambivalent and naïve white.
You thought I might like you so you beat me up outside a bar,
Until that evening for me turned to a horrible black char.


You were just nervous and protected an inane feigned anger,
While your blood flowed unwelcomed hot colours in amber.
You were heated, you were angry, you were unlistening and you were scared,
You were everything your mother taught you not to be while you only saw red.


You made me feel pain so deep I thought I would never forget,
Like unresolved, undecided oil paint on a canvas still wet.
But whet behind the ears you thought you had resolved your confusion therein,
While you live inside your victory, you’re only shroud in a resentful green.


So we walked in different directions and I chose the white dove,
Because you will never ever know the colour of my love.
You are not my type but you thought that because I was gay,
You could excuse your behaviour with areas you deemed grey.


Unacceptable in my world that thrives on colours in kaleidoscope,
All you do to yourself is tighten that oatmeal coloured neck-rope.
It’s not ok and I hope you find a brighter path before you sink,
But know that there is so much more to my world than simply being pink.

We will walk different journeys – I will send you a white dove,
Because you could never ever know the colour of my love.
I am not just your expected pink but a rainbow that flows brightly right through me,
And we are a so much more wonderment than you will ever understand us to be.

Who you were in smaller clothes

Where did it come from,
this great big alarm?
This inside crucifying,
doing my personality this harm?

It bore from things outside of my control,
and now it gnaws at me like a hungry troll.
I never asked it to be a crutch, or a need for the pill,
so why does it taunt me so, from the window sill?

It makes me forget, about the magic I see,
it depletes the oxygen from the fire in me.
By forcing me to focus on so much else,
replacing my personality with grey ghoul of ghost.

The flickers of my greatness sit behind steel gates,
kept away from me by that same spate of hate –
that links me to my past and debilitates my now,
refusing me by I to allow myself to grow.

They say it is only I who holds myself back,
they might be right and I’ll try to learn from all that.
But I confess that I may still have my doubts,
they live long in the darkness and depths of the cuts.


They don’t just breeze away like clouds in the wind,
it takes a lot more than that, to truly and fully mend.
It can take notepads and music and books to find the fire,
and even more of all this, to no longer walk the wire.


But I hope I find the key to those horrible big gates,
because I’m bored of this constricting, anger and hate.
it lets up at times feeding us glimmers of hope,
but then it simply giggles at me, and then tightens the rope.


It makes me want to ask…


Do you really think that we have time?
While we plot this map to a fanciful sublime?
A place where Tink walks ink footprints on a map,
where we never grow old, or we ever agree to that? 


Where your head actually clears and you can smell the air,
when you forgive the baggage and let go of despair?
When you remember who you were in smaller clothes,
without forgetting where it is that you still want to go?


When you think about playgrounds and music forever,
those are the same thoughts that you always promised to treasure.
But getting caught up in today is the hefty price,
a bigger risk always than just throwing the dice.


So maybe just go back to the pure and the simple,
to innocent moments and that juvenile dimple.
to a time you know you exhibited honest love,
when you felt that satisfying warmth on your heart like a glove.


That place that you know, you know still exists,
on your palm, for your life and in your heart’s history books.
It never goes away or really forgets about you, 
it’s only you who needs to know, what you want to do…




Dylan Balkind ©

Each day - its own surprise

Between cooking, birthdays, gatherings, movies and more cooking – I realised this weekend what a blessing it is to have people in your life – who actually matter. I won’t say I have never felt lonely, but in retrospect that has only been because of a self serving need for having something to complain about. It’s been easy to complain about people and how they might let you down, or disappoint you or not be there. But then you see who is and that you are still blessed in that.

There’s only one month to go before we hit the road for a two week break in Hermanus… doing nothing! I have never looked forward to doing nothing as much as I do right now. To read and relax and eat seafood and drink wine and hang out with people or avoid them at all costs; each day will be its own surprise.

I think it has been a hell of a year. And although some of the transforming went down like razor blades, and that it is maybe only over the last week that I am feeling the results, its warming to feel that I got here. And got back. Back to that unrelenting optimism I used to have and carry about me like wares on my journey. I lost it somewhere along the way in the melee to be in front. But I found it again; and here I am.

Hello world. I’m changed but still me. And thrilled that each day is its own surprise.


© Dylan Balkind 2009

Mags 06.08.1978

You came into my life. You enjoy my CDs,
You teach me to seize opportunities.
I’ve watched you walk the plank and survive it evermore.
I’ve watched you never fear for closing doors.

You showed me that some people actually can be real,
You shared your love and you taught me how to heal.
You taught me to trust again and showed me so many precious things.
You taught me your own real meaning of being ‘best friends’.

So I’ve learnt…

Friends are friends who come over. Over to drink.
Drink to chat. Chat to clear the air.
Air that needs clearing. Clearing spaces in time, mind, heart and soul.
Soul that might be sad or angry. Angry because life isn’t always fair.
Fair enough, because who says it ever has to be?
Be open when you feel like this because you know.
Know this is the best way to reflect you.
You that knows, lives, hurts, cries and laughs.
Laughs from the inside out whenever given the chance.
Chances taken because your subconscious decided.
Decided this is how it would be.
Be ok because you have security in that.
That place you created when you were innocent and young.
Young enough not to care about any issues but being bold.
Bold enough to live without fear.
Fear of maybe never having, losing or being without friends.
Friends who come over.

I beg you not to change but know you never will,
Because your mantra is that life must know your drill.
You’re a breeze of fresh air and this is your fuel,
You are the most honest person because you are real.

You came into my life. You enjoy my CDs,
You teach me to seize opportunities.
You taught me to trust again and showed me so many precious things.
And taught me your own real meaning of being ‘best friends’.


© Dylan Balkind 2009

Wandering from the light

Sometimes you wander from where the light was shining,
but find your way back fuelled by your darkened souls pining –
For the way you always thought your life would pan out,
and now that you’re back you have absolutely no doubt…

You did stupid things at all hours of the night,
and you made people angry and started many fights.
But only because they worried and truly care about you,
and no strangers you thought you knew, can ever truly know you…

Because it takes time and life to get inside someone’s head,
and understand what they love about life – and why they are scared of being dead.
What makes them cry while sad, laughing, depressed or happy,
and why it is that we never really get out of the nappy…

We all have a crutch and a way to exist,
while we pretend we are big with such vehement persist.
We do things for reactions for ones self or with others,
while forgetting so quickly that none of this matters.

That the shoes standing on your heart – are probably yours,
because you continue to shun reality and close the same old doors.
Only inside-your-head can understand why it-is-what-it-is,
and that is the funny part, that you actually dread.

Let go of insecurity and its best-friend the paranoia squirm,
it’s all in your own head, that nobody will confirm.
And when you see it like this you will see a new is-what-it-is.
Strength, fighting survival and real emotional happiness.

And you might wander again from where that light is shining,
but you will find your way back by your darkened souls pining –
Because you know the way you thought your life would pan out,
and you know that coming back, is the only undoing of doubt.



© Dylan Balkind 2009

Stellar Bright

Frogs croak and firecrackers abound,
all I need now is a dozen fireflies around -
to make life more like a fairy tale than ever before,
but I see that it is what it is, as I stare out from the stage door.

Lightning lights up the sky that I’m looking at once again,
I see my view has changed while I immersed myself within -
a joyful energy and an upbeat rhythm inside,
a louder drum beating, keeping this rhythm alive.

You know the one, we all do actually,
we are closer to our dreams not dwelling on reality.
You can make others see it too when you open your eyes,
when you step out of the shackles, and shake off the ties.

It is the very texture of people that makes us interesting...

So you write your secret on a postcard and you send it to Frank,
and when you do that, there is only one person to thank.
The person in the mirror who let go of something deep,
and started the uphill walk, not daunted by how steep.

Because sometimes life just is, uphill both ways,
it is your commitment to the journey that will change you in a way -
a way that will remind you just where it is that you came from,
while you realign your tempo to the rhythm of a new drum.

What's interesting is that we want to be big when we are small,
that no matter how big you are, you think you’re never quite tall –
tall enough for yourself or maybe a nagging voice within,
but never letting on, preserving only the outward grin.

You can go to school each day and be drowned within,
the gossip and the bullying and the unnecessary chagrin.
Some learned times and some very wasted times at that,
until it dawns on you that inside you’re quite phat…

One day you’ll stop whining and only write about this,
seeing the lessons from your past, ensuring that you grow from it.
And then they’ll stop gossiping because they can see who you are,
a beautiful and stellar bright – star among stars.

So if you don’t like me or what I write about here,
click to another site and go search elsewhere…
For fables about life you know you see yourself in,
and surprisingly acknowledge that on your face sits a grin.

I’m proud of my journey and the diary’s I keep,
on these pages, they’re me, both strong but still weak.
I can look back with humility and remember the old me,
while I listen to the storm that blows in through the trees.

Lightning lights up the sky that I’m looking at once again,
I sip on my wine and I hear the start of the rain.
Ah... I see your view has changed while you immersed yourself within,
and surprisingly you acknowledge that on your face sits a grin.

You look back with humility and remember the old you,
and make plans to fill yet another pair of original shoes.
It is now that you know that we are all the bees knees,
while you too listen, to the storm that blows in through the trees...



© Dylan Balkind 2009

For Kat

Blue street. Your street. My street. Ours.
A friendship knows no boundaries, but only equal powers.
We met one night and made it a late one at that,
I’ve never ever forgotten the moment I met Kat.

So beautiful, so gentle, so very full of love,
a friendship so comfortable and warmer than a sheepskin glove.
She’s never grown old or lost her touch or frayed,
nothing ever wavered and her friendship decorum stayed.

When my heart was sore and I cried all night,
she hugged me and reminded me that all would be alright.
She drove me to Cape Town and took me away from it all,
so that I forgot, and then realised that I was no longer sore.

She never tired and she even listened when it got boring,
and usually at times when the world around us was snoring.
Some people close to me still never get what she does,
her presence is my reminder that a friendship is about “us”.

Peter you’re an amazing and lucky human being,
your blessing is each other and now I know that seeing is believing.
And today on your wedding day when I cannot physically be present,
I send these words, written from my emotional gradient.

Good luck, good love and I wish you everything from above,
stay strong for forever and always come back to the love.
Blue street. Your street. My street. Ours.
Your union will know no boundaries, but only love and equal powers.

All the love and care while I wish I could be there… Dylan.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

Pantone's Deal

A colour sits next to me and plays a part in my space,
it is all-encompassing while it never has to look me in the face.
It is therapy of vitality and it awakens the dead –
lifeless emotions told to be quiet... and its colour is red.

A deep clear blue walked this way, gently calming this existence,
by doing big things and saying so much more than just its little sixpence.
Feminine principles of silver are quiet and mentally cleansing,
this colour therapy thing is with-it and ever so emphatically pleasing.

Whirling in golden abundance is smart when you understand why,
you can enrichen your life entirely if you can simply be bothered to try.
Try letting go of stress and emotional trauma with green,
and when you see it in your silhouette, you will be forced to believe in...

Sharpening your mind and your talents within,
a pale gold, like sunshine, being absorbed into your skin.
Stop worrying about what they might be saying behind your back,
just trust that in truth you can be gallantly powerful with black.

Orange is a joyous anti-depressant and light,
relieving you of your darkest and most inhibiting strife.
And know that green candles can be so much more than just gifts,
that live in good memories and provide emotional lifts...

Judges say poetry has to be this or that, talking about it at length,
but my expression is richest to me when I just listen to my breath.
Moving to a higher frequency I am blue on this day,
As green will be painting the walls of my minster on a Sunday.


© Dylan Balkind 2008



Astrology & Colour Healing

Aries – Red
Taurus – Yellow
Gemini – Violet
Cancer – Green
Leo – Gold
Virgo – Purple
Libra – Yellow
Scorpio – Crimson Red
Sagittarius – Deep Clear Blue
Capricorn – Black & White
Aquarius – Blue with Silver Lights
Pisces – Soft Azure

Your Own Little History

I smelt my childhood just now and remembered some things,
When games were games and a win was just a win…

Like…

Playoffs in yards as kids with imagination,
with demons and horses and gates you open to let yourself in –
to crevices and crannies in worlds far away,
a time I often wish I could go to, as easily today.

Smells might vanish but they’ll leave an air of mystery,
taking you to special times and places in your own little history.
Heartache or happiness from falling or riding a bike,
memories all the same, from very special parts of your life.

We grow up so quickly and so easily forget,
what made us happy was playing in puddles and getting wet.
An innocence and an outlook so unpolluted and untainted,
and pictures so colourfully and uninhibitedly painted.

Poignant questions become exam test and class results,
giving way to insecurities and bouts of competitive clout.
Not so wholesome, and imagination is lost therein,
and no more games are played – where a win is just a win.

Indeed, if we set our hearts to answer but one very famous question*,
we might open a lion’s wardrobe finding another universe to jump in –
to remember happiness and simplicity and things that were really important,
and enforce a reawakening of those things that were previously so dormant.

“Have you seen my Childhood” or smelt it go this way?
I want its innocence back and I am eagerly awaiting the day –
I’ll own it again and remember completely what made me – me,
an unafraid and challenging little boy, so boldly facing the sea.

With the sun on my face and the dunes at my back,
I’m throwing my inhibitions in the superfluous emo sack.
I'm going to go gallantly forward with my memory and smell in tact,
not losing the impetus to say and do what made me write just that.

Games in yards as kids with creative imagination,
a world you control and gates you open to let yourself in –
to coves and gardens and a happiness you found far away,
so remember who you are, and find Your happiness today.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

*Rabbi Yehuda Leib HaLevi Ashlag

Écouter / Myself

Tomorrow I get up and go at it again,
wanting it and summoning the courage to let the new in.

Running again but not on the path of least resistance,
nor succumbing to failure along the path of least persistence.

I remember you like it was yesterday, coming in from the cold,
you drove it home and personified ‘fortune favouring the bold.’
Watching you do it is an easy-to-grasp sense of bliss,
never willing to lose, even sixty seconds of happiness.

Scared inside but brave while looking out,
we’re stronger when friends help us ditch our debilitating doubt.
Tomorrow I get up, try, and go at it again,
believing, wanting, and summoning the courage to let the light in.

What makes you stay and love endlessly?
Knowing you knowing me, tirelessly and so touchingly.
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow,
no matter how simple or staggeringly high brow.

Walk like the sun is your spotlight, and let the light shine in,*
more powerful than the will to win, is having the will to begin.**
I know some things are fairy dust and other things are just a myth,
but I know that grasping and living happiness, is also having someone to do it with.

Ambition is something you want to hold on to for longer than long,
And something you pine for, drunkenly when it is gone.
But having friends to kick it with and remind you how,
Is the greatest display of fireworks I’ve seen until now.

My belief in me and my hunger has returned,
so tomorrow I go at it again, even though I might get burned.
Believing and summoning the courage to let a new light in,
because more powerful than the will to win, is having the will to begin.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

* Merran Williamson

** Unknown Author

Simple Play Things

It’s dangerous to play with people’s feelings,
doing things you shouldn’t, assuming that hearts are simple play-things.
It’s just as bad to allow it to be done to you,
forfeiting the incomparable truth glue that fastens up you.

Meetings around a table that piss you off and make you groan,
are as constructive as George Bush, behind a microphone.
Crap days full of negativity like schoolyard bullying from evil children,
form a cyanide in your bloodstream, going ever deeper & deeper within.

Speak up when you are angry and escape getting sick,
from angst and feelings, playing constant mind-game tricks.
Dangerous Liaisons involve emotions & psychology,
but cleansing the air makes a healthier, stronger, you and me.

Watching voices talk at you about menial things that shouldn’t even matter,
commits you to a Dangerous Liaison with somebody’s not so grey, grey-matter.
You might get angry and say some stupid things,
or storm out resulting in unresolved situations and some sadly clipped wings.

In professions, in love, and in the Dangerous Liaison thatch,
there is just no such thing – as “no-strings-attached”.
So easily set on fire, and so fragile to begin with,
walk away from the sinful temptation of the cruel intention plinth.

Big green monsters are iffy, and meeting them is scary,
So don’t be jealous and tag this sentiment, wisely.
Some things change and some things will always stay the same,
and my integrity right now, has me leaving the Dangerous Liaison game.

Remind yourself everyday, that it’s dangerous to play with people’s feelings,
carelessly assuming that precious hearts are simple play-things...
Some things change and some things will always stay the same,
So ditch the cruel intention plinth, and the Dangerous Liaison way.



© Dylan Balkind 2008

Poppy Time

There’s a lot to be said for pure intention and the price of time,
and knowing that time you enjoyed wasting is not the same as wasted time¹.
It’s as important as trying to live your life without sin,
as is the important sense of pride that comes from being believed in.

Calmly setting free the impact of this much energy,
is something I’m still learning and can’t say when I’ll be ready -
- to understand averages and probability,
being the result of rejection, dejection and transformability.

Fragile cups filled with magical thoughts and a priceless soup,
both wonderful and poisonous in a left-brain/right-brain power struggle coup.
Knowing when we’ve let the bad stuff out, hurting someone along the way,
and having to have faith in the blessing of a brand new day.

I just want my life rhythm to be like exclamation points,
and to be fully lived, in every muscle and all my joints.
And although we want life to exist in a field of poppy’s and sunshine rays,
the bigger lessons might be learned in the shadows of abandoned alley ways.

It’s hard to be dedicated to enjoying every moment of every day,
and the shit that life throws at us is the heavy price we pay -
- for forgetting why and what it is we are here to do,
and trust me, when I find out, I will tell you.

Still I run in a field of poppy’s and sunshine rays,
and I’m determined to stay happy, in so many ways.
Slowly learning pure intention and the price of wasted time,
but I know that time I enjoy wasting it not the same as wasting time!

© Dylan Balkind 2008


¹ Ref: TS Elliot

Shoreditch / Then

I left my mind in Shoreditch then,
an era in a place like a double edged blade-switch when –
- things were so familiar but unacknowledged in any possible way,
like a place you see and walk past every day.

Detail & places you must see before you’re 69,
will make your mirth lines render you simply divine.
Like performances and fireworks Live in the park,
or just lighting incense and sitting in the dark.

I never quite put my finger on it,
It seemed a hazy blur.
Not knowing where cycles began and courses ran,
Like the audio was wrapped in fur.

I say tom/ah/toe, you say to/may/toe,
And my popularity makes you a jerk.
But eat thy bread with joy and drink thy wine with a merry heart,
For God now accepteth thy works.

Now welcome to my hideout.
My timeout. My space away from the endless runabout.
It is sometimes dark, yet it can be extraordinarily bright –
Or like a shape that you may never completely make out.

It might smell of freshly mowed and very wet grass,
Or cut like you’re walking on shards of shatterd glass.
It can be kind and it can be restfully warming,
And its vastness can be remarkably disarming.

It’s my personality it is, my excess runabout,
my timeout and my space away from the endless muck-about.
And so what if I left my mind in Shoreditch that day -
Or at a place you see, and walk past every day...

Still...

If I ever get to be that superlative 69,
I trust my mirth lines will paint me truly divine.
I might be even louder then, and still run towards the might,
Or simply sit by myself, smelling incense at night.

It’s my personality this is, and my way to go within -
A me hoping to forvever wear, a happy-go-lucky grin.

© Dylan Balkind 2008


ref: Ecclesiastes 7

Resigning from the Herd

Feeling different amid feeling distinctly better,
I turned that page and I’m seeing it much simpler.
This grasping gallantly at my individuality,
Animates a latent spirituality.

The corner of your universe you can focus on improving,
is to be a better you and to never stop touching -
- the walls of your world moreover making the best of,
such a sincere existence while forgetting all the drivel rest-of.

Few have frankly exhibited being a true individual,
But seeing it happen makes me less deplorable –
- Of the world I might worry to expound myself honestly in,
And the bliss of the light inside me becomes free of chagrin.

Your revered rhythm is a demonstration and a performance to bestow,
If you listen to it contentedly you will grow and you will know -
That a man is a force and his energy is rife,
When he resigns from the herd and he thinks for himself.

Total character and distinguishing an individual
Brings you back to a knowing and a growing spiritual,
You might have to be bold and wake some people up –
- But knowing that you can’t please all of the people all of the time...
Will be the biggest gift you give yourself and the ultimate leg up.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

Vitamin D K B

You want a new future so you rewrite your past. Your words. Your thoughts. Your hopes and fears. You pretend you had always meant to do whatever you did – and inside you cringe. Bread goes stale. Cheese goes stale. We go stale... but only when we let us.

.
Ctrl. Alt. Del. Refresh! Be new. Be well. Keep walking.
.
Pick a journey, take a ride. Run, hop, skip, jump – do it! Make a return to innocence because, in every Mona Lisa Smile is a big bold grin and an overzealous laugh. That place inside us never goes away – our laziness just covers it up.
.
Life’s rush shrouds initial intentions and sells out to double standards and a bar we are always trying to reach. Be proud of you, of what you can do – and then do it.

.

Ctrl Alt. Del. Refresh! Be new. Be well. Keep walking.

.

.

.

.

© Dylan Balkind 2006

For Benji

Little boy, big boy, better boy daily,
You came into our lives and we thought it was raining.
Extra large jeans on an extra small boy,
You looked at life like a child does a toy.

You died, you left us, you’ve gone away,
To a world and a better place, in so many ways.
So better for you and so applied,
A world to revel in with your courage and pride.

I miss you terribly you Beautiful Thing,
Your energy was a contagious and wonderful thing.
Ebbing, flowing but always so Benji,
The void is large and we all miss you plenty.

Little boy, big boy, better boy daily,
Your absence is felt but that goes without saying.
Extra large jeans on an extra small boy...
You looked at life beautifully, like a child does a toy.


© Dylan Balkind 2008

Cheshire Cat

A new guy, a new night sky with stars and galaxy’s to look at
As wonderful and enticing as a Cheshire Cat.
A new road ridden, a new life visited,
A me with a new you and a new picture scene created.

A great journey and a beautiful ride,
A me without hesitation or any sense of pride.
Just comfort and living within,
A situation truly bright, like one soul in a set of twins.

Happy and comfortable and starting to be me,
A me without hesitation, planting a new relationship tree.


I looked at me in yesteryear through writings and things that I had said,
Like a book I had written and already read.
A me so pure and truly fascinating,
It unlocked the gate and let me walk in –
- to a time in my life I now appreciate,
without hesitation, and seeing the brilliance and the great.
In things I did and people I loved,
Wrapped up warmly like winter hands gloved.


Now I know and can immerse myself in that,
With happiness and splendour and a pat on my back.
A new guy, a new night sky with stars and galaxy’s to look at –
As wonderful and beautiful as a Cheshire Cat.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

Rhymes

If only could stop writing in rhyme, I might say - -

Things have been hard but not as hard as they could have been,
They’ve been all things all encompassing and always interesting,
They’ve been big things and small things and things wonderful.
They’ve been sometimes selfish and sometimes plentiful

They’ve made me sad and want to die,
And sometimes they made me satisfied with a big cry.

They’ve made me generous and selfish and caring again.
Never without a race I thought I could win.
It has been haunting it has been surreal and it has been true
And sitting here I see the mirror and finally feel “I know you”.

So nothing regretted some hated some loved,
We’re all fully aware life is not a clean white dove.
But happy now and calmer inside,
And more satisfied with the bumpy ride.

If only I could stop writing in rhyme…
I’d be different and this life wouldn’t be quite mine.

© Dylan Balkind 2008

Untitled

Backdrop heard / nothing painted / not that kind of art
It makes you think, it makes you feel and it makes you kind of smart
Because for once you're quiet and go within
Within a you so normally noisy and with a heavily scarred chin

Lazy / chilled / so very beautiful
Life is better now and much more plentiful
I saw the light and immersed myself within
Within a me so normally noisy with a heavily scarred chin

A full notepad and a pen to match
I said I would write my own re-match
I'm back I'm proud I'm happier than before
There will be no more hiding behind those silly closed doors

Twinkling / Sparkling / My life is good
It's truly amazing when you do what you always knew you could
You love better you live better you learn new things
It's true what they say it's "flying without wings"

I'm not scared anymore to jump right in
In to a me so normally noisy with a heavily scarred chin

© Dylan Balkind 2008